I Have An Eating Disorder

Hi, I’m Samantha and I have an eating disorder.

I grew up with a father that used food as a tool for manipulation and control. I was never overweight, yet my own father called me names regarding my weight and looks. As a healthy teenager, I joined weight watchers because I believed what he said. I restricted my calories down to an unhealthy amount, I hid food and binged when he wasn’t around to tease me, and I tried wearing baggy clothes to hide my curves. I also deleted as many pics as possible.

Around my wedding, I was at my heaviest and honestly, it was then that I felt the most beautiful. So, when I thought I was done with my body image struggles, I lost over 40 pounds after I suffered HG during pregnancy. For a little while, the scale read under 160, a weight I hadn’t been since middle school (remember, I’m pretty tall). After giving birth, I tried to lose more weight because when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t my skinny frame, I literally saw a huge version of me. And now, as I’ve gained that weight back in a healthy way, I’m slowly learning how to love and accept my body for the way it was made to look like.

Today, I’m at 200, but I haven’t weighed myself recently. I average around 190, a weight I’ve been since 10th grade. I eat pretty healthy with my strict allergy diet – mostly just veggies, protein, and complex carbs. I’m working on gaining some muscle because I’m honestly pretty weak and want to strengthen my core. When I was at my smallest, I was extremely unhealthy and malnourished. Honestly, it’s really hard to look at photos of myself and be so vulnerable with you all, but I know that what I struggle with is really common and I hate being fake on social media.

So, this is me. I’m a writer, wife, mom, Christian, friend, and I struggle with food restriction and binging. It’s nice to meet you.

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One thought on “I Have An Eating Disorder

  1. I’m proud Of you for sharing your story. I don’t know any women who haven’t struggled or had some kind of body image or eating disorder. It’s so unfortunate that we live for what the world wants to see us as and how we should look like the magazines do. But are worth is in Jesus Christ and not having 36 24 36 figures. Im very overweight. I do need to lose weight. I’ve been a size 8 at my smallest and a 24 at my heaviest. I’d like to be back on the smaller sizes..lol…but I’m happy on the inside; more than I ever have been. I love hearing how you felt most beautiful around your wedding. You are created perfect in God’s image. You are beautiful inside and out. Here’s to being happy with whatever shape and size we are.

    Like

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