I Have An Eating Disorder

Hi, I’m Samantha and I have an eating disorder.

I grew up with a father that used food as a tool for manipulation and control. I was never overweight, yet my own father called me names regarding my weight and looks. As a healthy teenager, I joined weight watchers because I believed what he said. I restricted my calories down to an unhealthy amount, I hid food and binged when he wasn’t around to tease me, and I tried wearing baggy clothes to hide my curves. I also deleted as many pics as possible.

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Dear Dad | A Letter to My Emotionally Abusive Father

There have been a lot of people who have told me how strong and brave I am for starting to speak out against the abuse my biological father inflicted on me, but honestly, I have always felt I was hiding behind my blog/book. It’s easier for me to write down my feelings – it comes as a second nature. Speaking, however, is extremely challenging. I didn’t fail my public speaking class in high school, but sharing my feelings verbally is…well, it feels impossible most days.

Last year, I wrote a letter to my dad that I never sent. Now that I finally want to, I know he isn’t going to read it and he isn’t going to care, so I recorded myself to share with you all. When I first wrote the letter, I made the choice to not spend any more time thinking about my dad because he doesn’t deserve my time. So, this video is not for him, despite the title. It’s really for anyone who has gone through the same things that I have – to show that there is hope, to prove that you can find the strength to face your abuser, and this is for my sisters who are still living with my dad.

What’s In My Make-Up Bag?

Makeup never used to be something I used in my daily life because I didn’t see the point. For one, the women around me seemed to only use makeup to hide behind a face they were self-conscious about and I didn’t want to become one of those women. I also never wanted to put in the time and effort to get my face ready for the day.

Today, I’m still mostly makeup free but as I continue in my writing career, I want to present my best self. I’m confident in my natural state, but enjoy throwing on a little something here and there.

The following are all the products that I own, some I use on special occasions and some I use religiously.

Lips

  • Manna Kadar Priming Lipgloss Stain, All of Me, $24
  • Starlooks Lipstick, Jet Set, $12
  • Rimmel London Moisture Renew, Vintage Pink (sorry guys, this is no longer available)
  • Wet n Wild MegaLast Liquid Catsuit Matte Lipstick, Pink Really Hard * Berry Recognize *Rebel Rose * Nudist Peach, $4.99
  • Starlooks Lipstick, Rawr, $12
  • Maybelline Color Sensational Matte Lipstick, Blushing Pout, $5.59
  • Starlooks Lip Pencil, Peony, $12
  • Wet n Wild Megalast Lip Color, Dollhouse Pink, $2.49
  • Katy Perry Covergirl, Pink Paws, $3.19
  • Revlon Matte, Really Red, $5
  • Starlooks Lip Pencil, Dragon Fruit, $12

Eyes

  • Starlooks Lengthening Mascara, $17
  • Chanel Les 4 Ombres Quadra Eye Shadow, Euphoria, $61
  • Wet n Wild Au Naturel Palette – Bare Necessities, $3.49
  • Color Icon Kohl Liner Pencil, $0.99
  • NYX Eyebrow Cake Powder, Dark Brown/Brown, $6
  • Starlooks Eye Liner Pencil, “Brun” “Noir“, $9
  • Maybelline Marbleized Eyeshadow, Bronze Blowout (unavailable)
  • Covergirl Lashblast Volume Mascara, $5.55
  • Sephora Eyeshadow, All That Glitters (unavailable)
  • Maybelline Expert Wear Eyeshadow, Earthly Taupe, $3.99
  • Starlooks Cream Eye Shadow, Concrete, $12

Face

  • Wet n Wild Photofocus Foundation, Shell Ivory, $5.99
  • Wet n Wild Concealer, light ivory, $3.99
  • Starlooks Powder Blush, Darling, $12
  • Wet n Wild Photo Focus Matte Face Primer, $4.99
  • Mary Kay Translucent Loose Powder, $16
  • Mary Kay bronzing powder, light-medium, $18
  • Starlooks Cream Blush, Abstract, $12
  • Starlooks Blush/Highlighter Duo, Tropic/Ritz, $12

Perfume

  • Clinique, Happy, $52
  • Thierry Mugler, Alien, $29
  • Natural Egyptian Queen of the Nile (bought locally)

Tools

  • SOHO Foundation brush (no longer available for purchase)
  • Beauty Blender, $20

My go-to items are all of the Wet N Wild products and the Starlooks Mascara & cream blush (which you can get 50% off your orders by using the code samxstarlooks)

What are the go-to beauty items you use?

My 10 Must-Have Items For Summer

Summer is my 2nd favorite season, but it would by my #1 if it was always around 75 degrees, sunny, not humid, and zero bugs.

Which is why I need these products to make the summer bearable.

1| A good pair of sunnies. I’m currently on the lookout for a new pair, preferably a prescription set.

2| Pair of comfortable sandals (I got these from Woman Within because my feet are too big for regular store sandals).

3| A good bug spray. My go-to is Puracy. I try to avoid the ones with a bunch of chemicals and the last organic one I brought seemed to have attracted MORE bugs. You can find the bug spray here (and get 15% off if you use the code “sali18”).

4| Sunscreen. There are many choices that are pretty unhealthy for your skin. My favorite is Badger, but it’s a little pricey so on a budget I like sticking with the Equate (Walmart).

5| A large beach towel. My grandpa had this huge blue towel I loved to use when I went to visit. After he passed in March, I became the owner of that towel and I’m so excited to take it to the pool. It’s so big and fluffy.

7| Gardening tools. I just recently started gardening & my son got his own plastic tools so he can assist me.

8| Water shoes for my son. Going to the pool is fun but they have a no street shoe policy and if my feet burn on the cement, I want to protect his little feet too.

What are your must have summer items?

Celebrating Katie Schmidt

We are continuing the “Celebrating Phenomenal Women” series with Katie Schmidt!

What a small world – Katie was my RA in college my freshman year. She was a kind, beautiful person inside and out who had dreams of becoming a teacher. Today, she’s changing the world as a teacher, small business owner, wife, & mom. When I first launched the nomination form, I secretly hoped someone would nominate her because she’s one busy entrepreneur!

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